Itineraries Fall 2006
Contents:
A Message from Ken Pyburn, Second Journey’s New President
Housing in Response to the Human Life Cycle by Shirley Tomita
Asking the Question Differently by Fred Lanphear
Proactive Aging: “Circles of Aging” by Cynthia Trenshaw
What are the BIG Questions? by Mira Steinbrecher
Book Reviews: Whidbey Island Writers
A Message from Ken Pyburn, Second Journey’s New President
A number of people have thanked me
for “holding the space.” It’s as if I’d arrived early for the picnic, staked out
a lush spot by the river and put dibs on the place by scattering blankets and
chairs all about… It is for YOU I have been holding this place.
— Bolton Anthony, Second Journey Founder
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
I remember from a year ago feeling an almost palpable sense of empowerment ripple through the room at Santa Sabina as Bolton Anthony, who was facilitating the August 2005 Visioning Council, read the concluding words of the Hopi elder’s admonition to the people: “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
I had a similar experience this July — no longer a participant this time, but filling Bolton’s shoes as facilitator — at the Visioning Council on Whidbey Island north of Seattle: the sense of immense possibility that flowed from the rich diversity of talents and gifts gathered in the room. (You will be treated to a small taste of those talents as you read the articles in this issue of Itineraries, all but one of them contributed by “alumni” of the July Council.)
After I’d agreed to serve as president of Second Journey’s newly restructured board, Bolton told me: “Yes, it is true, ‘We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.’ But YOU are the one I’VE been waiting for.”
It is with a measure of humility — a virtue a bit rare among those like me who cut his teeth as a internal turnaround specialist at IBM — that I accept the challenge of helping move this organization forward.
The work accomplished this past past year is nothing short of phenomenal, and the opportunities before us are great. Since the Santa Sabina Council, we have held two strategic planning sessions. Last November, at Kirkridge in Pennsylvania, a dozen colleagues most directly involved in the work revisited our Mission Statement and commissioned two planning teams with further work. Then, this past May, an expanded group met in Boulder to assess progress and develop specific action steps. From these sessions, and from the continued work of small teams, the following has emerged:
- New governance and an active, newly-elected interim board charged with developing a new organizational structure for Second Journey (see below).
- A fresh look at our Visioning Councils with an openness to developing new formats under development and a commitment to expanding the roster of facilitators — Emily Headley, my co-facilitator at Whidbey, and myself being the first additions.
- Plans for an expanded web site and e-newsletter, with an increased roster of guest editors and contributing authors.
- Grant proposals being developed in several areas, including one that will support our first international Visioning Council, to be held in Hamburg, Germany, in September of 2007.
- An ever-widening circle of active elders — supported by younger colleagues — helping with our program design, outreach efforts, and fundraising activities.
- Burgeoning partnerships with other organizations and networks committed to a new concept of “Aging in Community.”
- Clearer connection to the work of many others in allied fields being impacted by the revolution in human longevity.
In the quote I opened with, Bolton invited us all to join the “picnic.” I want to conclude by affirming that I, like Bolton, “do not have THE VISION.” Indeed, as he goes on to write: “No one person does. It is scattered in pieces among us, and we will find our way into the future only by coming together in community and delighting in the different treats we each bring to the celebration.” JOIN US.
— Ken Pyburn, President
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The Mission of Second Journey is to foster the emerging movement of individuals, organizations, and communities committed to creating
- a new vision of aging,
- new models of community for the second half of life, and
- a just and sustainable world now and for future generations.
Housing in Response to the Human Life Cycle by Shirley Tomita
The author and her colleagues, fellow architects Emory Baldwin and Chris Davidson, are forming a design collaborative to develop innovative housing prototypes and eventually communities of various scales. They hope to present their ideas this October at the International Universal Design Conference in Kyoto, Japan.
In the essay below Shirley reflects upon the epiphany that planted the seed of her passion for flexible housing design. In a future essay, Shirley will discuss how these concepts are realized in the house the collaborative is designing in Sitka, Alaska. Shirley attended Second Journey’s recent Visioning Council, which was held in July on Whidbey Island in Washington State and, at the end of her essay, reflects on the synchronicity of that experience.
A close potter friend of mine and I traveled one summer to Hagi in Japan, a city renown for its pottery. It is a ware so revered and famous, that we took this trip specifically to immerse ourselves in its qualities and art. When we arrived, I was very disappointed at my response to the wares. They left me so unimpressed that I knew I must be missing the obvious and key essence of its qualities.
Bound and determined to find the spirit of Hagi, I rented a bike and went to almost every one of the hundreds of pottery shops in the city. Exhausted and frustrated at the end of the day, I found myself sharing my story of my failed quest with a shopkeeper. From the kindness of his heart, he offered to serve me a cup of tea for my endeavors. Minutes later he appeared with a most incredible cup, so rich in color and texture, stained and crackled with tannic and explosions of pink oxidation. I was simply stunned. I had never seen a cup so beautiful.
“This is Hagi as it has become after 50 years of tea, served and shared with deepest humility and hospitality,“ he explained. “The wares in the stores are Hagi as it is new and incomplete, ready for you to finish and to tell your story.”
This was such a profound epiphany that it became my dream to strive for someday to create places and spaces which reflect the essence and the spirit of Hagi.
I find today, in the work I care about and share with like minds, the seed of Hagi continuing to inspire me. The essence of “Housing in Response to the Human Life Cycle” rests in the fundamental premise of a responsive, flexible, supportive and transformative environment. The average household composition is becoming increasingly varied as our society becomes more diverse. The rapidly aging population and longer life expectancies are leading to a greater number of people with physical as well as social dependencies. The traditional household makeup has expanded to include elderly relatives, caregivers, unrelated adults, and even businesses. Unfortunately, conventional housing stock is generally designed for the singular needs of a romanticized nuclear family with no disabilities, no transitions, nor the necessity of creative living solutions.
These trends demand a new approach to designing dynamic and transformative environments, which accommodate changing situations and varying abilities. The layout of a home should be designed with built-in flexibility and multi-tasking capabilities; it should anticipate a number of possible floor plan configurations that are available as the need arises. The benefits are a reduction in waste and remodeling costs, an increase in the marketability of a home, and a contribution to creating more stable and sustainable communities. It is possible for housing to transform and support many choices and needs, reduce the constant need to move, bring people together in symbiotic relationships, and enable elders to age-in-place with authentic contributing roles.
A house can be more than just shelter; its potential is to be our most valuable tool and asset, supporting us throughout our lifespan. It is container and record of how we have chosen to live and share our lives. This approach is fundamentally sustainable, intelligent, creative, compassionate, and truly universal.
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I agreed to write this article because I wished to share with others the evolving concept which our design team finds so exciting. But I also wanted to thank Second Journey for the inspiration I felt at the July Visioning Council.
I’m sure the extraordinary beauty of the place and its buildings provided part of the magic. The Sanctuary, for example, where we met in circle one evening — with its extraordinary simplicity and emptiness, its “”gentle sufficiency” as one participant described it — reminded me that Home is always our first and surest sanctuary.
But more important than place was the company of fellow seekers. As we each tapped into the formative experiences that have shaped our sense of community, I realized mine had been decisively influenced by the protected world of my childhood. I’d lived these impressionable early years among five women who were brought together by need at the end of the Second World War.
Through the eyes of a child, it was all a very warm, supportive, and happy environment. Our home — a very small building which had earlier served as my grandfather’s art studio —was a bustling, busy, dynamic community. Every day and throughout the day the house changed as the need required: sleeping rooms became dining rooms, then living rooms, and then back to sleeping rooms.
These memories and early experiences still shape how I interpret environment and why I hold so strongly to the idea that the quality of the whole depends on the quality of the part; community must first exist in the house before we can become a community of homes.
I will close with a short poem which came to me after the weekend at Whidbey and which is a tribute both to Hagi and to all our journeys:
Hagi
A ware so plain
Like canvas white
As if for paint
Of Time’s delight
Asking the Question Differently by Fred Lanphear
Fred Lanphear died on September 9, 2010, at the age of 74. “His life was a lesson in wisdom, generosity, and conscious wholeness,” as Randy Morris, who dedicated the Fall 2011 issue of Itineraries to him. Fred worked for 20 years with the Institute of Cultural Affairs (an NGO), empowering villagers in remote African and Asian communities to participate in and direct their own development. On his return to the U.S. in 1989, he became president of the Northwest Institute of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. He lived his remaining years with his wife, Nancy, at Songaia, a cohousing community in Bothell, WA, which he helped co-found. (See his commemorative web site.)
The question is not how can the younger generation take care of its elders; it is rather how do we as elders help the younger generation care for the Earth and their own future? We are in a time when the quality of life, if not our survival as a species, will most likely be determined by the decisions we make in the next two decades. As elders, we have witnessed and participated in both the wonders and the devastation in the 20th century. We are now observing the toll an expanding population, industrialization, and technology has taken on our health and the environment; we can only begin to fathom future consequences. It is time for us as elders to step forward and speak for the Earth and future generations of all of its species.
Each generation, as well as each of us as individuals, leaves a legacy. There is no greater legacy, at this time in history, than to care for the earth on behalf of the future. In the Spring 2006 issue of Itineraries, we read the inspiring story of Connie Mahoney and the formation of Earth Elders, an organization that began in Sonoma, CA. Her vision was a global network. We have the opportunity to actualize this network… beginning in your local area.
After Second Journey’s recent Visioning Council, which was held on Whidbey Island north of Seattle, a small core of folks decided to launch a group in the Seattle area. Though our local vision for Earth Elders is still emerging, at least four components are clear:
- telling the new Universe story and our place in it;
- celebrating the Earth through rituals and songs;
- mentoring others to become Earth Elders; and
- leading others to advocate for the Earth and all its beings.
The numerous resources available to help us assume this role include The Great Work by Thomas Berry; a study guide for Earth Elders created by Imago in Cincinnati; and articles and information relating to The Great Work from the Center for Ecozoic Studies. A list-serve will also be available to share information and to seek help from each other. These and additional resources will soon be found at the Earth Elders web site, which I will be coordinating and developing with input from Earth Elders around the world.
We have the opportunity and responsibility as elders to make a difference. Our grandchildren and their children are counting on us. Now is the time to join with others to prepare to do “The Great Work.”
Proactive Aging: “Circles of Aging” by Cynthia Trenshaw
Cynthia Trenshaw lives on Whidbey Island in Puget Sound and is a teaching colleague of PeerSpirit, Inc., specializing in issues of aging. She is certified by the State of Washington as a Professional Guardian for elders and a registered nursing assistant. She is nationally certified as a hospital chaplain and a massage therapist. For several years she was chaplain of a 200-bed nursing home in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and later became a teaching practitioner at the Care Through Touch Institute in San Francisco, serving homeless people on the streets, under the viaducts, and in the shelters of the Bay Area. She earned her master’s degree from the Jesuit School of Theology at Berkeley in 1998 just before she turned 56. Her master’s thesis focused on Circle as a spiritual practice. A Harvest of Years, her short guide to working with circle groups, may be purchased through Amazon. Visit her website.
There is a “look” that comes over them, especially people of a certain age, when I speak of our Circle of Caring. The look says, “Oh, how I long for that,” and “Is it really possible?” and “How can I have that too?”
As we age, one of our greatest fears is that of isolation and invisibility; our hunger for intimate community is palpable. That “look” says “I don’t want to be alone” and “Does anyone else ponder aging as I do?” and “I want to share my wisdom and my concerns and my joys and grief.”
For over three years 18 men and women of Circle of Caring have been meeting twice a month to consider issues of aging. That “look” has come over so many other faces in our area that four more similar circles have begun.
Recently a reporter for the Seattle Times interviewed our proactive aging circle (see article), and asked us, “How did you develop such intimacy in so large a group?” And although each of us considered her question carefully, and waited for our answers to emerge, basically the consensus was: we follow a few basic ground rules, we respect each others’ experiences, and we are continually curious about each other. We’re also curious about ourselves, and what we may be inspired to say in an atmosphere of acceptance. So, one by one, we’re willing to risk saying the deeper things that are on our hearts, knowing that the others will honor what we say and will hold our risking in the container of respect and safety that is our Circle of Caring.
The curiosity, the respect, even the risking, are attributes that each of our 18 members brings with him or herself. But the ground rules are set by the group as a whole. The ground rules are what allow the Circle to take on a life of its own, beyond the individual lives that comprise it. It is the ground rules that allow us to relax into the circle, allow us to ponder and risk and laugh and cry and slowly learn to love each other.
Over the years we have considered the practical: writing our advance directives and values declarations, taking courses in the fundamentals of caregiving, discussing the fine points of medical advocacy. We have delved into the esoteric: what do we fear, what have been our experiences of grace, what do we believe happens after death, what do we value, what is this life about anyway? And we have fun: throwing pot luck dinners, creating art projects, going to the movies, sometimes deliberately creating “unlikely combinations” of three or four of us who would not ordinarily find ourselves together for a social outing.
Our conversations about important and difficult things (and even the social time with members we know less well) put our discomforts and fears and wonderings out in the open, to be shared and carried in the sacred space of our virtual community. Like the Circle ground rules, this sharing binds us together. Whether or not we ever live together in a bricks-and-mortar community, we are learning to BE together in the ways that matter to us most. If some day something more tangible should develop out of this Circle work, we will already have become a living community along the way.
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The basic ground rules for Circle of Caring were devised by Christina Baldwin in her book Calling the Circle. More recently PeerSpirit Inc. has published a booklet about our Circle of Caring experience and its adaptations of Baldwin’s work, entitled A Harvest of Years: A PeerSpirit Guide for Proactive Aging Circles. Both Harvest of Years and Calling the Circle are available at PeerSpirit.com.
What are the BIG Questions? by Mira Steinbrecher
The author is a licensed architect and a journeyer. She has a lifetime of experience living in communities that she’s valued and a portfolio of work designing homes that serve their occupants in the most loving ways. Mira attended Second Journey’s Northwestern Visioning Council where these questions bubbled up. For further information, visit her website at www.JeanSteinbrecher.com.
As we each make our journey, watching the years on “the odometer of life” tick by, questions arise about how and where we choose to live. As community and support become more important, we begin to ask:
- How do we live with “a genteel sufficiency”?
- How much is enough?
- What are the boundaries between privacy and community?
- How are these established, enforced, altered, and maintained?
- How do we share our “stuff”?
- How do we maintain independence without isolating ourselves?
- How do we create and maintain interdependence without losing ourselves?
- What are the obstacles that make life more challenging as our bodies age?
- How do we design and build in flexibility to accommodate those?
- What are the mechanisms that keep a community diverse?
- How can new and creative solutions be woven into the fabric of existing neighborhoods and communities?
- How do we model all this for our children’s children?
Take these questions for what they’re worth to you. Ponder them as and when you can. Bring them to your book club, your budding community, your circle of caring, your Thanksgiving dinner table. Use them to frame “the rest of your life!”
Book Reviews: Whidbey Island Writers
by Barbara Kammerlohr
Storycatcher: Making Sense of Our Lives through the Power and Practice of Story
by Christina Baldwin
New World Library, 2005
Christina Baldwin, one of the visionaries who started the personal writing movement, has contributed at least two other classics to the emerging field of personal writing: One to One: Self Understanding through Journal Writing (1977) and Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest (1990), Since the mid-1970s, she has also conducted seminars nationally and internationally. She now lives on Whidbey Island, north of Seattle, where she and her business partner operate PeerSpirit, a company they founded to educate organizations and individuals in a process of communication inspired by the council (or circle) used in traditional cultures to facilitate communication and wise decision-making.
The Last Adventure of Life: Sacred Resources for Living and Dying
by Maria (Dancing Heart) Hoaglund
Bridge to Dreams, 2005
Maria (Dancing Heart) Hoaglund is a life-long spiritual seeker interested in helping others identify and trust the spiritual within themselves. The daughter of Lutheran missionaries to Japan, she grew up there and developed a unique, cross-cultural perspective on life. She graduated from Yale College, attended seminary at Pacific School of Religion, and obtained her Master of Divinity Degree from Chicago Theological Seminary. Dancing Heart served as a parish minister with the United Church of Christ before becoming a hospice chaplain more than 10 years ago. Her book is a reflection of her own spiritual journey and work with hospice.
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All sorrows can be borne if you can put them into a story.
— Isak Dinesen
Last July, at Second Journey’s Visioning Council on Whidbey Island, I met several women whose lives and work had been inspired by Christina Baldwin. However, in spite of their witness to her wisdom, I was not prepared for the beauty and power of Storycatcher. As I read the pages, my mind wondered, “Does this power come from the stories she has captured? Or, was it her strength and purpose that captured the stories and wove them into a significant book?” Her own words answer the question by pointing to the power of story, not just the stories she weaves, but also those of others, just as powerful as her own, which she includes. Even so, some of the magic must come from Christina Baldwin herself.
This award-winning book is a reflection of Baldwin’s belief in the ability of story to renew how we are in the world. “Individually”, she said, “we first put our lives into language and then we act upon what we have said and how we have defined ourselves.”
Storycatcher is a book about story—its history, value, and usefulness, full of compelling stories that illustrate the central message of each chapter. Baldwin devoted her professional life to personal writing; she is an expert on the subject. But, more than that, she is a master story catcher. It was, no doubt, her compelling stories that made Storycatcher the winner of the 2005 Books for Better Life Award in the Motivational Category and played a role in its becoming a selection of the Writers Digest Book Guild.
Each chapter has its own theme or message stated in one or two sentences. However, it is the magical stories that elaborate on the theme and give meaning to the reader. Baldwin’s prose from her own journals carries the message in the first half of the book. In the second half, other voices provide the narrative.
Examples of themes from the various chapters are:
“Learning to listen with the ear in the heart enhances our ability to become a Storycatcher.”
“Tending the story is a privilege bestowed on Storycatchers by their willingness to receive, report and protect the world’s stories.”
“Significant events become woven into our ongoing stories as we decide how to gauge their impact on our lives.”
“We each create a story of the self that begins with our birth story and then continues with what we remember, speak and write about our own lives. We decide throughout this process what we want our lives to include…and then we are challenged to act on this story—to become who we say we are.”
“Religion is a story. Not just one story, but many stories brought forth to explain the world and our place in it.”
“Story is a search for community that allows us to share, build, and learn from each other.”
Each chapter also has its own prompts—questions and ideas for self-reflection that could help the writer catch her own story.
Storycatcher will be most appreciated by those interested in personal growth through writing, or by those who wonder about it. It could be particularly helpful to those of us into life’s “Second Journey.” The task of harvesting the wisdom of a lifetime and making sense of it becomes easier and more interesting if approached through story.
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Denial of death and dying is one of the most profound issues we face as we undertake life’s Second Journey. At the same time that our own mortality begins to assert its existence, many of us confront final goodbyes to our parents. Having lived 60+ years in a culture that encourages ignoring (and even denying) death, we have few tools to deal with it effectively — either for ourselves or others. Maria Dancing Heart has found a way to transcend this cultural liability, develop an understanding of the dying process, and share her insights with the rest of us. She does so in her self-published book, The Last Adventure of Life, (Clinton,Washington: Bridge to Dreams, 2005).
In spite of its apparent brevity — 318 pages — The Last Adventure of Life can be viewed as two books: a practical resource for those caring for a dying loved one, and a realistic introduction to the spiritual aspects of the dying process for those just wanting to explore the issue.
The book is a combination of Dancing Heart’s own words and carefully selected writings from others. The Zen-like quality of what she herself writes is a reflection of her practical, no-nonsense approach to looking death in the eye and not blinking. In fact, the reader gets the idea that Dancing Heart’s life-long spiritual search has brought her to such a comfortable relationship with death that sharing these insights with others is easy for her. The evocative, emotional tones in the book come from her generous selection of the prose and poetry of others. There are carefully chosen passages from well-known authors such as Joan Borysenko, Gerald Jampolsky, and Lao Tsu as well as the not so well known wisdom of her own hospice patients and their loved ones. The reflections by hospice clients, written during that magical moment just before Death, are often poetic and guide the reader to an intimate understanding of one of the most private moments we must all face.
The poetic passages seem to have been chosen with a very practical purpose: to convince the reader to drop his carefully defended denial of death and see enough beauty in the completion of a journey to have an open heart. Many have experienced and described the magical moments leading up to and at the time of death. It is not possible to read these sacred accounts and, at the same time, pretend that death does not exist. For a brief moment, the reader is brought face to face with a fearful, yet mystical, beautiful truth.
For those seeking practical advice and wisdom, Dancing Heart includes a chapter of resources and a detailed explanation of hospice care. She also answers many questions:How can we ‘start the conversation’ with our loved one who is sick and perhaps dying? What are some of the signs that death is approaching? How can I be with someone through this time as death nears? How do I say goodbye? What do I do immediately after my loved one dies at home? What are some alternatives, besides more medication, to cope with the pain? What is hospice, and how does it work? What is a near death experience?
Her answer to the question about saying goodbye is typical of her brevity and pointed directness:
These are probably the most basic thoughts that you’ll want to convey to your beloved ones before you leave them, or before your beloved leaves you. Don’t wait until the last minute to share your deepest feelings, like why and how you appreciate and love them. (1) Thank you. (2) I love you. (3) Please forgive me. (4) I forgive you. (5) Goodbye. God be with you.
When Dancing Heart tries to convey the sacredness and mystery of the moment of death, she makes one short statement herself: “It is a time… filled with awe and unexplainable mystery”. Then, she completes the chapter with a generous collection of journal entries and poetry eliciting an emotional tone reflective of the special experiences that happen at the time of a loved one’s passing.This short quotation from Kahlil Gibran is an example of the beauty and mystery that fills the rest of the chapter:
Know, therefore, that from the greater silence I shall return….
Forget not that I shall come back to you… A little while, a moment
Of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me.